lilyleia78: Wilson looking serious (House: Wilson serious)
[personal profile] lilyleia78
Title: Honeymoon Negotiations
Rating: PG for a naughty word
Summary: "Just give me a bed and lots of lube and I'm a happy husband."
Note: This is yet another unplanned sequel. I had to combat the angst-fest of the finale and offer comfort to my fellow shippers. This is the quickest I have ever written/posted a fic. It may be a little rough. Hope you enjoy it anyway!

Honeymoon Negotiations

“We don’t have to go anywhere. Just give me a bed and lots of lube and I’m a happy husband.”

“Please stop. I can’t handle this level of romance at work,” Wilson replied deadpan.

“Fine, give me a bed, lots of lube and some candles. Anything to make my man happy,” House said in a tone that suggested this was a great sacrifice.

“Wow, I have never felt more loved than I do right now,” Wilson said as he returned his attention back to the brochures he’d picked up from his travel agent. “Maybe this bed could have an ocean view?”

“Why? I don’t intend to have the curtains open,” House eyed Wilson speculatively. “Unless you’re into that sort of thing…”

Wilson just smiled enigmatically at his fiancé. “Seriously, we have to decide today so I can make the reservations.”

“Seriously I don’t see why we can’t honeymoon in my – our – bed, our couch, our bathtub, our kitchen table, our...”

“I see where you’re going with this, and I appreciate your confidence in our stamina and the sturdiness of our furniture. However, we really have to leave town.”

“Why?” House whined.

“Because if we stay here your drones will track you down,” Wilson answered. “They’ll have some fascinating, unsolvable case. Foreman will forbid them to ask for your help and, because you’ve trained them so well, they’ll find you just to spite him.”

“Then you’ll just have to provide me with something more interesting to do than treat this hypothetical patient,” House leered.

“24 hours a day for a week solid? I’ll chafe.”

“Fine,” House sighed. “Wuss. No beaches though; they’re not handicap accessible. And I want someplace with Soapnet.”

“So your only requirements are no beaches and Soapnet,” Wilson clarified.

“No my only requirements are you naked and lube, but if we must be away from the comforts of home then I need to have access to my soaps. It’ll keep me entertained while you recuperate between the fun bits.”

“Great!” Wilson said cheerfully. “Disney World it is.”

“Fine,” House nodded. “Wait, what? You want to spend our honeymoon with a giant talking mouse?”

“It’s the happiest place on earth,” Wilson said as if that explained everything. House mumbled something unintelligible. “What was that?” Wilson asked, bracing himself for a scathing retort.

House rolled his eyes and repeated in an irritated tone. “Good, then I’ll fit right in.”

Wilson stared at him in stunned silence for a few minutes before leaning over and planting a hungry kiss on House’s mouth.

“Take me home, House. I want to fuck you right through the mattress.”

House swallowed against the dryness in his throat and vowed to give this romance thing a try more often. Much more often…
**
Continue on for a bachelor party or two
Back up to previous part
Start from the beginning

The complete list of my House fic can be found here.

Date: 2008-08-23 07:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smiddlecn.livejournal.com
“I see where you’re going with this, and I appreciate your confidence in our stamina and the sturdiness of our furniture. However, we really have to leave town.”

This is one of the single funniest lines I've ever read in a piece of / fiction. :D

Date: 2008-09-07 10:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mireya-11.livejournal.com
hahahaha!!!

"Good, then I’ll fit right in"
I don't get it

but the part of the gigant mouse was hilarious xDDD

Date: 2008-09-09 01:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mireya-11.livejournal.com
hahahaha!!!!!

okaaay! know I get it :DDDDDD
Disney Land <333

Date: 2009-01-15 09:03 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I am the well wishing fairy. I have been left as a comment by someone on your flist to bring you a wonderful day. Please send me on to spread the magic, perhaps adding a word or two of what makes the recipient so special

For being such a caring, considerate person, who it is a joy to know. Wishing the greatest of happiness throughout the day to all of you and yours ♥

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