lilyleia78: Daniel with shirt unbuttoned (SG1: Daniel heart sepia)
[personal profile] lilyleia78
Title: 5 Times ADMTDI
Fandom: SG-1
Pairing: Jack/Daniel, implied Sam/Teal'c
Rating: R for sexual themes
Prompt: Five Times Aliens didn't make them Do It for [livejournal.com profile] sg1_five_things

Five Times ADMTDI

1 – “You don’t have to do this sir. I’m sure if we explain to the General exactly what it is that the aliens are expecting...”

“Carter,” Jack’s tone was gentle but firm as he cut Sam off. “Hammond might understand completely if I cut this mission short.” The relief on Sam’s face was so intense that Jack almost felt bad when he added, “But I’m not going to.”

“Sir!”

Jack shot her a look that forbade any argument, but relented enough to explain. “There’s too much at stake here. The Xegits insist they need to see us in action to fully understand humanity. Daniel and I discussed it and decided it’s worth it for the medicines they’re offering in return. I trust we can count on the support of our teammates?”

Sam snapped to attention, barely stopping herself from saluting. “Yes, sir!”

“Indeed,” Teal’c chimed in.

“That’s settled then. Daniel, are you ready?” Jack met Daniel’s eyes and found only determination there. They nodded, walked up to the sacred idol, extended their right hands in front of their bodies, palms up, and began.

From the sidelines, Sam looked away, embarrassed. Teal’c watched with interest. A few minutes in he turned to ask Sam a question.

“Is that amount of posterior shaking traditional in all Tau’ri dancing or only during the Macarena?”

2 – “They’re what?” Jack asked, horror breaking through the professional façade he was attempting to maintain.

“They’re asexual,” Sam repeated. “They reproduce strictly by cloning. It’s really quite amazing. Each clone is physically identical, but they are made individual people by virtue of the way they are raised.”

“That’s incredible,” Daniel jumped in, “This could provide a wealth of new information to the nature-vs.-nurture discussion. Is there anyone on staff with the proper background to…”

“Whoa, kids! Hold up,” Jack interrupted before his scientists could get too involved and forget he existed. “You mean, they don’t…you know.”

Daniel rolled his eyes. Sam turned her excitement on him and answered, “I don’t believe they even have reproductive organs. They are completely unnecessary for the procreation of their species.”

“There are lots of non-reproductive uses for those organs,” Jack smirked. Sam flushed.

“Jaaaack,” Daniel warned.

“Daniel, why don’t you tell them about the other uses,” Jack suggested.

“Jack!”

“Come on, we’ll offer up a demonstration.”

“No, Jack,” Daniel said with exasperation.

“It’s no hardship. I volunteer! Wanna help?”

Daniel scowled and stomped off. Jack turned to Sam. “Was it something I said?”

“Let’s just say, I don’t think you’ll be getting any private demonstrations anytime soon,” she answered with a smile before following Daniel.

3 – “O’Neill,” Teal’c’s deep voice was nearly drowned out by Sam’s gasp of surprise.

“Carter! T!” Jack hastily stood up, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. “We were just…”

“We are aware of what you were just,” Teal’c informed him with a loaded head tilt. His gaze flickered to Daniel, who was still just standing there with his pants around his ankles, looking completely dazed.

“No, no. I mean it’s obviously what it looks like, but,” Jack faltered, distracted by trying to redress his uncooperative archaeologist.

“But what, sir?” Sam’s question begged Jack for any way to explain – or rather, not explain – this to the SGC in her mission report.

“Jack?” Daniel’s voice was quiet and confused. “Jack, what happened?”

Jack locked brown eyes with blue and had a brief, furious conversation with Daniel before answering, “Don’t you remember?”

Daniel’s brow creased in concentration. “I was translating the inscriptions on the wall -- something about seeking knowledge through passion. There was a flash of light and then,” Daniel raised a hand in a helpless gesture. “Then nothing.”
Jack looked mortified. He turned to his other team mates. “I think I’d better explain this to him in private.” Sam nodded sympathetically. Jack put a hand low on Daniel’s back to guide him out of the chamber. He paused at the doorway. “Maybe we should…”

“Paraphrase the alien influence in our debriefing?” Sam finished for him. “Excellent idea, sir. No need to drag things out with details.”

Jack flashed her a grateful smile and followed Daniel out of the area. Two steps outside of the door he heard Carter say, “Teal’c, did you see that light? I’m feeling very strange all of a sudden.”

Jack shot a concerned glance at Daniel. “Do you think we should tell her there was no flash of light?”

Daniel gave him a knowing smile in return. “Don’t worry. She knows.”

4 – Thor blinked his huge eyes at Colonel O’Neill. “I am not sure I understand.”

“It’s simple, Big Guy,” Jack explained again, with more patience than he would have shown for anyone else. “I just need this one tiny favor. You just do the flashy-light appearing thing in my boss’s office; tell him that Daniel and I have to shack up, get married, or something similar, and flashy-light out of there.”

“What reason shall I give for this demand?” Thor asked sensibly.

Jack shrugged carelessly. “Tell him it’s to demonstrate our enlightenment, or because it’s our destiny. You’re the advanced race; you’ll think of something.”

“You feel this is necessary so that you can be together without losing your position within your government?” Thor clarified.

“Yes,” Jack put on his best solemn face.

“So, instead of trying to change an unjust system you want to say that Aliens Made You Do It?”

Jack nodded. “Rome wasn’t built in day. Or so Daniel tells me.”

Thor blinked again. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Jack repeated excitedly.

“We have been blamed for worse,” Thor touched a crystal and Jack was flashy-lighted back home.

5 – Jack was half naked before he noticed that the looks of alarm on the faces of his team had less to do with the alien’s request than it did with his actions…and that the rest of them were making no effort to remove their clothing.

“What?” He barked, slowly working off his belt. He was amused at the eyebrow, hand gesture, head tilting conversation his team had in silence before Daniel sighed and stepped forward.

“Jack? What are you doing?” Daniel’s tone was overly-casual, the way you talk to a crazy person when you’re trying not to set them off.

“Preparing,” Jack answered in the same tone.

“For what?”

Jack ground his teeth in annoyance. Daniel’s soothing attitude was really grating. “For the thing - ritual, sanctification, whatever.”

Daniel glanced quickly back at his teammates, brow furrowed in confusion. “Why do you feel the need to be naked for that?”

It finally dawned on Jack that there was a possibility that he’d misunderstood what would be required of him. “Because it’s easier to bestow the…you know, stuff… on the shrine that way?” he ventured hesitantly.

Daniel squinted at Jack’s face the way he squinted at a particularly perplexing piece of text. Sam figured it out first and let out a little ‘eep’ before covering her mouth to stifle what Jack strongly suspected were giggles.

As usual, her reaction helped Daniel to make the connection. A smile chased the bewilderment from his face. “No, Jack. They want us to make an offering of plant seed.”


I also responded to Five names Jack would consider for a dog and Five things people Daniel wants to do before he dies (for good)

Note to my House flist: Check out number 5 on Daniel's list!!!

The complete list of my Stargate fiction can be found here

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February 2015

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